Still Alive

Hey! I'm sorry people that I didn't write anything for a long time, but first I was sick, than trouble with somebody at school (she says I'm not coming to school but I'm having fun. She doesn't realise that I'm making a behaviour therapy and it's no fun at all having a social phobia and the begin of a personality disorder.) Then I was sick again... Now on sunday there was mine and Faye's BIG DAY, the dog show at Merelbeke Belgium. Oh and we did pretty well, even if everything pointed out that it would be a total disaster around a half hour before I had to present her. But we made the first place with a very good and became spéciale de race meilleur jeune. But in the ring of honor, we just made the last place, 5th...But well the judge didn't even look anymore at Faye. He seemed to have already his favorite.
We nearly also good a CAC even if Faye's class wasn't allowed. But they had to call me out 3 times until I realised that my number was called out. So I guess because of that I had no chance anymore for the CAC.
After all it's a very good result for our first time. I got a diploma and a cup which are making me very proud.
I got such a cool gift from my mum =) a bead for my Pandora bracelet. But a wolf bead I can't get here in BeNeLux =(
Well...I'm going now trying to draw my wolf painting. But my finger hurts because Kero, the black cocker spaniel of my mum bite me as I tried to help him as Faye attacked him as he went on my bed and pressed me. -.-""

By the way, the winner of my contest is...

HEIDI!

Congratulations!

Confused Fear

Today I went to school again...well I went with my mother to school psychologist. I cried a lot as we spoke about the situation in class and at the end we decided that she'll go into my class and explain them that I'm suffering from depression, social phobia and generalised anxiety disorder. Now, I'm kind of more scared to go into my class. I'm happy that I can stay at home tomorrow. I felt so bad today and it was so difficult to distract me. What are they now thinking of me? How will they react when I come into class again? I really don't know what to think about...
Well what did I do to distract me?
First I wrote an fanmail to my favorit author Charlaine Harris. I wanted to send it letter post but I don't have the money, so I sent a mail. I just hope that I can still get an autograph from her because I'm sure she will never come to Luxembourg for a book-signing.
Second I went through etsy I looked at stuff I wish I would have... So if you want to make me an pleasure or something, now you know what I want lol


This purse looks just so cool and I love purses and vampire and this purse combinates both <3
Etsy Shop


This journal looks so...mysterious and dark...you can imagine that everything in it is written with blood and so on...I love that kind of stuff.
Etsy Shop



No comment. Vampire. Mysterious. Beautiful. Etsy Shop

I'm so tired now...Yesterday I nearly didn't sleep...

see u

Inhumanity

I was sick the last two weeks, I had a stomach flew...Tomorrow I'll finally go to school again, but I'm not happy at all about that fact. Now I have to look that I'll get copies from everything I missed. That's not easy at all, because nobody is really speaking with me. Even the people who said they are my friends, don't even reply my sms and I'm so desperated that I sent also one to a kind of ex-friend. No answer at all from both...That's so...depressing! What am I supposed to do now? It seems that nobody is interested in me at all. Nobody wrote me to ask what I have or when I'm going to come back. I'm glad that next week are holidays, so I don't have to see them all. All these people, who give me the feeling to be some kind of a tumor. That they are bored of me and wished I was gone. My heart feels so heavy when I'm thinking about it and I want to cry. But I can't because I don't want that my parents are worried, that I could try to kill myself again. Well...honestly I thought already very often to try it again...

Yesterday I got my new glasses...it's so unusual, but I kind of like it. And I finally see better!

Today I draw already two canvas and made a new True Blood design for cafepress. I still didn't sell anything which is a bit frustrating but well, I can't change anything about it. I just hope there are some people out there who are interested in my boring life and will read my blog. It feels good to write everything down what's going on in my head and I would feel even better when I would know that there are people out there who are really interested in it.
Oh by the way, I'm thinking to sell my canvas and selfmade bookmarks on etsy...but my father doesn't understand why I want to do this. I don't really know either why I want to sell stuff. Maybe I want to show myself, that I'm talented in doing something.
But do I have a chance with selling canvas?

I'm currently also into giveaway contests (but I never have luck), so if you know some interesting international giveaway contests just let me know =)

byebye now

your